Finding my place!!!

Today I am sad!
Sad because of the sin I allow in my life.
Sad because I can't seem to find my place in this world.
Everyday I wake up, get dressed and put this smile on my face that, very often, is fake.
I hate not knowing who I am or who I am supposed to be.
I hate how, just when I think I have found myself and have turned away from the old sin in my life, that's when the sin comes crashing back into my life and my world is turned upside down.
Too many times I have gone through the same sin circle and too many times I have cried my eyes out because of it. Some days I just don't want to exist anymore. Some days I wish that I could be everything that I am supposed to be without turning back to my old way of life. If only things were easier, if only I didn't make things so hard. Maybe then I could grow and become the person I am meant to be. Maybe then I could amaze people, and make them proud of me. But as I type that I ask myself why do I care if people are proud of me or not?..........
So many questions, thoughts, and emotions are running through my head I don't know where they begin and where they end.....if they ever will.
If I continue to type I may end up crying....something I don't want to do in front of my peers.
So I am off..........off to find my place.........off to put on a smile, one which I hope will one day be real!!!!!!