HOME
…What does that word mean?…Everyone may have different views and ideas of what it means…This is mine…
Home is where you can go no matter what…the place that makes you feel comfortable…loved…needed…and wanted…It’s a cozy blanket on the couch…A long walk in the rain…The place where you always fit in just by being yourself… The place you can go when the world is crashing down around you and you will feel safe…The place where you can go and feel the LORD’S presence…
That’s my home…At least that is the home I desire…The home I desire for everyone who doesn’t already have it…
Right now I am spending the summer at my parents house…And even though I have spend over 18 years of my life here it is the farthest place from home where I have been in a long time…I can’t be myself here…I don’t fit in…I don’t feel the presence of God…And that in itself causes this place to not be my desired home…This is the place that cause the world to crash down around me…And all I can do is sit in my room and cry…While everything goes wrong around me…
Today I sat on the floor in the middle of my room crying and saying over and over again…"I just want to go HOME…I just want to go HOME"…Oddly enough that made me think of Rachel…Which made me cry more and I started to say "I just want to be with Rachel…I just want to be with Rachel"…She is the one who made me feel at home no matter where I was…I wish she was here now…So this place would feel like home…That makes me think of the saying…"Home is where your heart is"…And my heart is with my friends…Not here…Not in this place…
I don’t feel God here…But I will…I will seek His face in this place…Then maybe one day I won’t have to search for Him anymore because he will be with me everywhere…His presence will make any place feel like home…I long for the day when I find my home…
Home Is Where My LORD Is!!!
Home is where you can go no matter what…the place that makes you feel comfortable…loved…needed…and wanted…It’s a cozy blanket on the couch…A long walk in the rain…The place where you always fit in just by being yourself… The place you can go when the world is crashing down around you and you will feel safe…The place where you can go and feel the LORD’S presence…
That’s my home…At least that is the home I desire…The home I desire for everyone who doesn’t already have it…
Right now I am spending the summer at my parents house…And even though I have spend over 18 years of my life here it is the farthest place from home where I have been in a long time…I can’t be myself here…I don’t fit in…I don’t feel the presence of God…And that in itself causes this place to not be my desired home…This is the place that cause the world to crash down around me…And all I can do is sit in my room and cry…While everything goes wrong around me…
Today I sat on the floor in the middle of my room crying and saying over and over again…"I just want to go HOME…I just want to go HOME"…Oddly enough that made me think of Rachel…Which made me cry more and I started to say "I just want to be with Rachel…I just want to be with Rachel"…She is the one who made me feel at home no matter where I was…I wish she was here now…So this place would feel like home…That makes me think of the saying…"Home is where your heart is"…And my heart is with my friends…Not here…Not in this place…
I don’t feel God here…But I will…I will seek His face in this place…Then maybe one day I won’t have to search for Him anymore because he will be with me everywhere…His presence will make any place feel like home…I long for the day when I find my home…
Home Is Where My LORD Is!!!
posted by .:Alix:. at 9:20 PM
2 Comments:
Keep your chin up!
Life is going to be OK; you're just going through the joys of "transition". It is similar to the feelings that you had at Christmas, but these might last a bit longer and be a bit more permanent.
All in all, don't worry! You've got a good start remembering your creator in the midst of all of this. Don't ever lose that!
I might not ever see you again (which is really depressing), but I will miss you and I will not forget you. (I keep getting reminded of your somewhat goofy smile and belching and it makes me sad...)
Just remember that no matter what. Even if you forget who I am, the stars fall into the ocean and you somehow lose your ability to burp, never forget that God always loves you!
Walk tall...you can do it!
I remember the feelings of which you speak, the feeling that you do not belong, that the world around you is not different from when you left. I remember feeling like I was in a box, I went home completely changed, only to find myself placed in a box that I no longer fit, I was transformed, and people did not recognize it. That was incredibly stressful; to have to change the way you act because of how people would perceive you. It's frustrating, and I still have to deal with it. The people who live in Nipawin do not know me anymore, some care to get to know the new me, some do not. I had to accept that I had and have, no control over those people, their perceptions, and the box they put me in. All I could do was remember the One who had changed my life, and let Him be the one who knew me. Shawn has said it, you are off to a good start. It may be hard, but you will get through, and you will come back to a place where you can be who you are. For now, learn to be the you where you are. You are a blessing, some people just don't know it yet.
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