Continuing My Search For Myself

I continuously find myself sitting at a piano at random times during the day.
First I sit down and say to myself "okay today I am going to play this like I know I can"
and then I play one of the only songs I know how and once that song is over I am lost.
I try to play random cords.... trying to put some sort of melody together but that doesn't
last for very long.
Then I stop and I sit there staring at the keys as though they have this sort of power over me. They intimidate me so much.
I want so badly to be able to express myself by playing the piano but once I sit down I lose myself.
I long to be able to play.... I know I can do it....but saying that I can and actually proving that I can are two different things.
I want so badly to be able to place my hands on the keys and have something come out.....but nothing ever does...it's like I have never even taken lessons before....but I have.....I mean
I know I need more lessons and I know practice makes permanent.....but why can't I just play a simple song?....why can't I let my fingers do what they want?....My frusteration is over whelming and I find the only way to make it leave me is to stay away from the piano...
but I can't do that.....I can't not be by a piano.......they do somthing to me...they inspire me......
I Just wish I could find myself again.....wish I could play like I used too.....

My prayer is that I would get back what I lost........Myself!