Im In Love

I’ve known him for a while now…. We used to spend so much time together…But sometime before Christmas He had problems and we had to resort to not talking…. This made my life hard…. I was so used to going everywhere with him…He was my companion…Everything that I wanted…When I woke up this morning I couldn’t take it anymore…I had to be with him…I had to hold him…So him and I went to the river together…It was so amazing…The sun was perfect…The water was running just right…I didn’t want to leave at all…but because of other responsibilities we had to leave…Now I am home…waiting till the next time I can hang out with him again…. I have missed my Canon.


By the way if any of you didn’t catch that I’m talking about my camera. BAHAHA!

Work

So I made it through the 4 days I was dreading when I wasn’t working…and now I am back to working again…I get to work three days straight….I’m excited….But day one is over already….Two more to go….I am happy to be working again….I love the customers that come into the store….I get so excited when people I know come in…Making small talk while I’m waiting for the debit to be approved is hard sometimes but it’s exciting to see what stupid thing I will say next to bring a smile to the customers face…So many kids come into the store as well…I love it when they grab a hand full of change out of their pockets and ask how much candy they can buy with it….That makes me smile….I was able to be out in the car wash for a little while today….when I walked into it I took a deep breath and the first things that came to my mind was "I’m home"…haha kinda funny how a car wash can make me feel at home…But after I walked out the feeling was gone and I went back to work…I can’t wait till tomorrow when I get to go in there again and breath in the smell of oil and car wash wax…..mmmm good…..I’m off to get some sleep. Yes sleep!

The River

It started to rain today and I needed some time to myself so I put on my sweater and my vest, loaded my dog in the van and drove down to the river. It was just what I needed to clear my head, to feel like I was closer to God. It’s amazing to me how I feel closer to the LORD when I am outside, soaking in His creation. I like being outside because I can yell, scream or talk as quietly as I want to God and I don’t have those four walls around me, making me feel closed in and confined. That’s why I like the river. It makes me feel closer to God and I can talk to Him like He’s standing right beside me. The river is my favorite spot out here. I used to ride my horse there everyday! I’ve missed that place. I’ve missed the sunburns I used to get from sitting out there in the sun all day. I’ve missed the sound of the rushing water and the frogs croaking. I’ve missed the fresh smell that consumes me when I am standing by the river. I was blessed today as I got to experience my river get away for the first time this year.
Tomorrow I am off to buy batteries for my camera so I can go back to my spot and take pictures. I can’t wait!

Sickness and work..OH the power of God

I find it odd how I spent eight months in Eston...never getting sick...even when everyone else around me was...and now I am home for four days and I got sick as a dog...Praise God for healing though...I got sick around 5:00 yesteday...puking for almost 7 hours straight...sleeping on the cold bathroom floor with the light on because i couldn't sleep in the dark...hugging the toilet scared i might miss...Not being able to hear anyone talk about food..smell food...see food...it was so bad i couldn't even say "eat"...now it is 5:00 the next day and I am completely fine...my head is a bit puffy...and i feel like i lost 30 pounds but I am great...like i said already PRASIE GOD FOR HEALING!...
Its Ironic that I am good to go today because I start work tomorrow....I can't believe I start work tomorrow....wow..I feel like I haven't worked for a very long time...I supposed it has almost been a year...I keep saying to myself..I start work tomorrow...I start work tomorrow...Im not sure how I feel yet...mixed emotions I suppose...excitment..fear...and sadness .....because starting work means I really will be here for four months....AHHHHHHHH.....
FOUR MONTHS!!!..........I shall be just fine...!!!


I hope!

HOME

…What does that word mean?…Everyone may have different views and ideas of what it means…This is mine…

Home is where you can go no matter what…the place that makes you feel comfortable…loved…needed…and wanted…It’s a cozy blanket on the couch…A long walk in the rain…The place where you always fit in just by being yourself… The place you can go when the world is crashing down around you and you will feel safe…The place where you can go and feel the LORD’S presence…

That’s my home…At least that is the home I desire…The home I desire for everyone who doesn’t already have it…

Right now I am spending the summer at my parents house…And even though I have spend over 18 years of my life here it is the farthest place from home where I have been in a long time…I can’t be myself here…I don’t fit in…I don’t feel the presence of God…And that in itself causes this place to not be my desired home…This is the place that cause the world to crash down around me…And all I can do is sit in my room and cry…While everything goes wrong around me…

Today I sat on the floor in the middle of my room crying and saying over and over again…"I just want to go HOME…I just want to go HOME"…Oddly enough that made me think of Rachel…Which made me cry more and I started to say "I just want to be with Rachel…I just want to be with Rachel"…She is the one who made me feel at home no matter where I was…I wish she was here now…So this place would feel like home…That makes me think of the saying…"Home is where your heart is"…And my heart is with my friends…Not here…Not in this place…

I don’t feel God here…But I will…I will seek His face in this place…Then maybe one day I won’t have to search for Him anymore because he will be with me everywhere…His presence will make any place feel like home…I long for the day when I find my home…
Home Is Where My LORD Is!!!